Count from One to Ten
by TheodoraBlack
Summary: Sirius and Remus are together and madly in love. But this Story isn't about how they got together. It's about heart breaking, cheating and counting every night, for weeks.


Count from One to Ten

Sirius and Remus were together now, for quite a few months. Only few people knew it. And by few people, I mean James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. Sirius wasn't really ready to tell everyone about it. He didn't want to hurt Remus, but he just wasn't ready. Anyway. This Story isn't about how they got together or how they told everyone. No. This story is a sad story. It's about cheating and loving someone so much that you can't help yourself. That you can't even think about anyone else without feeling guilty.

"I don't like your friend." Sirius said and looked at Remus. "You never told me about him. Jonathan.. He is a Slytherin, Moony."

Remus sighed. "Look, I told you. He really is nice.."

"..and bitchy. Besides that. He was into you, wasn't he? Oh, wait.. my mistake. He /is/ into you. He doesn't like me, because you chose me." Sirius smirked and tried to hide his jealousy. Yes, Sirius Black was jealous. He always got jealous when Remus talked about anyone else. No matter how old this person was or how ugly. He didn't wanted Remus to think about anyone else.

"Trust me, okay? I don't want to fight.. again!" Remus said as he cleaned up his bed and put his books together.

"I trust you.. I just don't.."

"'..trust the others.'" Remus finished Sirius' sentence. "Yes, I know that Padfoot. But you have to learn to deal with it. You know that I love you, don't you?" Remus smiled. And with the words Sirius smiled as well. "Yes, you love me. But I love you more!", he grinned.

"No. You don't!" Remus smiled and watched Sirius getting closer to him.

"Oh yes! I do.", Sirius said as he hugged Remus from behind, gently placing many kisses on his boyfriends neck.

"Nope." Remus turned around and smiled at him. Sirius cupped Remus' face and kissed him gently. Remus backed off and smiled softly. "Can you wait with that, Jon should be here, any se.." Remus' words were cut off by no one else then Jonathan. The day had come. Sirius and Jonathan would finally meet. Remus smiled first at Jonathan but then he felt nervous.

_Please, please don't let Sirius go mental.. please!_

Remus begged in his thoughts to Merlin. He looked at Sirius, how he was looking at Jonathan. He saw how Sirius eyes filled up with jealously and hate. And to be honest Remus loved it when Sirius got jealous. The thing he hated was how they fought.

"Hey, you must be Sirius then! I'm Jonathan, but you can call me Jon." The other boy said with what others would call friendly voice. But Sirius simply raised an eyebrow. He didn't trust him, however.

"Hey." he said. "Yeah, I'm the great Sirius. Remus' boyfriend. Nice to meet you." he smirked and pulled Remus closer to him. Remus chuckled softly and pulled away slightly. Sirius was still looking at Jonathan. He wasn't bad looking and that was something Sirius really, really didn't like. He had longer dark brown hair. Green eyes, he was tall, yes, but not as tall as Sirius. And that was a good thing. Remus liked boys who were taller.

"This round goes to me.",Sirius thought and smirked happily.

"Uh.. where should I leave my bags?" Jonathan smiled shyly. He was going to stay for a while at Hogwarts. In their dorm.

When Remus first told Sirius about that Sirius frowned. "Why?" was the first thing he asked. Remus sighed and smiled at his boyfriend. "Because I wanted to see him again, and since I'm not allowed to leave Hogwarts, he is coming over." Sirius was still not happy with that answer. "Fine.. but why in our dorm? He is a Slytherin and THIS is a place for Gryffindors, not for Slythersuckers." Remus chuckled and sat down on Sirius lap. "Because he is /my/ friend and you know that he left school. Please don't make it so hard for me. It'll be all fine, I promise." Remus kissed Sirius softly and stood up again.

"Uh.. I didn't think about it yet." Remus said, blushing. He thought about everything. What they could do, how Sirius would react, how James and Peter would hate him just because Sirius did. Everything. But not about where the boy would sleep.

"Oh, I have an idea!" Sirius smirked happily and when he saw that Remus eyes widened, he winked at his boyfriend. "You can have Remmy's bed. He'll sleep in mine. Problem solved and I would have some nice time with my heart!" Sirius pressed his lips against Remus' and Remus chuckled. "Stop that, Pads." he said smiling. Jonathan nodded and walked towards Remus' bed.

"I'll change the covers!" Remus quickly said and pulled away from Sirius.

"Oh, no. It's fine. You smell like chocolate anyway." Jonathan smiled and Remus blushed. Sirius looked at Jonathan with a 'keep-your-hands-away-from-my-boyfriend' look.

"Yeah, /my/ Moony really does smell lovely!" Sirius said with a jealous tone in his voice and pulled Remus quickly back to him.

"Yeah.. right." Jonathan said quietly and rubbed his neck. "Thanks a lot, guys. You know.. for letting me sleep here." he smiled and began takes his clothes out of his bag. Sirius watched him closely and simply nodded when Remus whispered to him to calm himself down. He saw how organized he was. Just like Remus. He saw all the books Jonathan had. Just like Remus. He saw the chocolate he pulled out of his bag and how he put them next to 'his' bed. Just like Remus. But he never saw this innocent look in his eyes. Not so like Remus.

_Maybe they would be better for each oth.. NO! Moony belongs to Padfoot and Remus belongs to Sirius!_

After a few weeks Sirius got used to Jonathan but still, whenever he got a bit too close to Remus, Sirius did everything to get all the attention. But after a while he got tired of it.

_I'm his bloody boyfriend. I shouldn't try to get his attention. He should give it to me, all by himself. I'm Sirius Black for fuck's sake..when did I become a little piece of shit like that? He is the one who should get jealous. I'm like the most popular boy in school. Every girl would love to have a shag with me and I would have to do nothing to get it. To get them!_

That was something Sirius thought often in the last few weeks. He felt like shit. He did everything to get Remus' attention. Everything he could think of and soon he had enough and soon he noticed that Jonathan became more open when there were in public and soon he couldn't think of any other ideas to get Remus' attention. Jonathan knew that Sirius' and Remus' relationship was a secret. Jonathan always moved closer to Remus when they were in public, but it seemed like Sirius was the only one who noticed it. And Sirius hated that. It seemed like he was the only one who didn't trusted him. James and Peter liked him, even though they told Sirius that they thought that Jonathan was a tosser. Sirius knew when they lied. Sirius knew his friends. And most importantly, he knew his boyfriend. Remus liked Jonathan, a lot, and that was killing him. And soon everything became worse.

Sirius sat in the library, studying. Yes. Sirius Black was studying. For Remus. For his heart, that's at least what he called Remus. 'Moonlove' or 'Moonheart'. He loved Remus. He never felt a love like this. Never. He loved how Remus was sleeping. How Remus was eating, drinking, studying. How Remus was ashamed of his scars, even though Sirius loved every single one of them. How Remus became aggressive when the full moon came closer. How Remus kissed. How Remus smelled. How Remus cuddled. How Remus hold his hand. How Remus exactly knew how he could turn Sirius on. How Remus smiled. Oh, his smile. That was one of Sirius favorite things about Remus. His smile. A simple smile made Sirius happy more then anything else. Sirius felt like he could win over the whole world, if Remus just kept on smiling.

After a while of studying Marlene McKinnon sat down next to him.

"What happened to you, Siri? Are you feeling ill?" she giggled. Sirius gave her a small smile and shook simply his head. Everyone knew that Marlene had a big crush on Sirius.

"Just studying." he murmured, not looking up at her. Marlene went closer and acted like she was reading what he wrote.

"You smell good, Siri." she looked at him, smiling. Sirius looked back at her and realized how close she actually was.

"Uh, yeah! Thanks, Marls. Look I need to get this done.. so.." he smiled slightly and moved away.

"Don't you want to do something more interesting?" she bit in her lower lip and looked Sirius in the eyes but Sirius simply looked away.

"That is actually quite interesting. Sorry, Marls." he smiled again softly and that was when Marlene had enough. She sat down on Sirius lap and began to press her breast against his chest. Sirius pushed her down and stood up, angrily.

"Look, I am /not/ into you. I love Remus! I really tried to be nice, but you just don't get it! Leave me alone, okay?" he yelled at her, took the books and walked away.

_" .Fuck? I just outed myself! Shit!"_, He thought and walked quickly back to his dorm. He /needed/ to tell Remus about it. Remus /had/ to know. Now! He quickly said the password to the common room and run up to his dorm. But before he could step in, he heard how Jonathan and Remus were talking.

"I-I'm so sorry, Remus.. but I just had to tell you what I saw." Jonathan said. "Come here.."

And that was enough! How dare he? Who does he think he is? Sirius pulled the Map from his pocket and saw James. He quickly ran to the corridor where his best mate was.

"Prongs!" he yelled and ran to him. "I-I need your help, now! That mutt is stealing /my/ boyfriend! Jonathan.. he, he is telling Remus that I am cheating on him. But I'm not. I.." he stopped and realized that Lily was there. Her eyebrows up, her jaw down.

Sirius sighed. "Yes, Evans. Remus is my boyfriend and I'm madly in love with him. Anyway.. I'm so sorry to interrupt you two. But please, I'm begging you Prongs.. please.. help me!" James heard the helplessness in his best friends voice. This wasn't a joke nor a prank. This was serious. Sirius was helpless and Lily needed to wait.

"Sorry Lily!" he quickly said and ran away with Sirius back to their dorm.

"Where is Pe..?" James began but his words were cut off by Sirius'.

"Common Room!" Sirius said. Quickly saying the password, entering the common room, grabbing Peter, the three friends walked to their dorm. Sirius opened the door and what he saw not just broke his heart. No. It destroyed everything inside him. He never felt a pain like this. Sirius felt weak and helpless. Dizzy and angry. Sad and full of sorrow. A dementors kiss would be better, that's how he felt. Remus were sitting on his bed, next to him Jonathan. They were kissing.

"What the fuck?" he yelled, letting the books and everything crash down on the floor and Remus looked at him with wide eyes.

Everything went quiet for a second. Remus eyes filled up with tears and Sirius breathed heavily. Not sure what he should do or say now.

_Beat up, Jonathan! Beat up Remus! Cry! Shout! Yell! Die! Kill! Leave! Stay! Fight! Let go! Throw something. At them. On the floor. Shoot yourself._

Theses thoughts went through his mind in just a second. James and Peter looked absolutely paralyzed. No one would ever, ever thought that Remus would cheat. No one. James and Peter did even a bet, secretly, of course: When is Padfoot going to screw things up? -bet.

"I.." Remus began but he went quiet again, tears falling down, crashing against the floor.

"Y-you.." Sirius began but it felt like his voice run away into his heart, screaming, trying to kill his heart, trying to overtone the pain with the screams. Jonathan sat there quietly.

Remus stood up and walked to Sirius, trying to cup his face. But Sirius hold Remus' wrists tight. "You.. I'm dying, Remus." that was the only thing he said, before letting Remus go and walking away. As soon as Sirius turned away tears shoot from his eyes. He walked, quietly. Everything seemed so blur and he heard nothing, saw nothing.

In the room, Remus broke down. Crying. He never felt like that. Not even when he hurt Sirius, at a full moon, a few years ago. His heart was aching, beating fast against his chest. James looked at Peter and they understand each other without words. Peter would stay with Remus. Peter would take care of Remus. Peter would try, however, to comfort him. Even though both knew, nothing would make this better. It felt for James like it was over with the Marauders.

James walked to Jonathan and dragged him out of the room. In the common room, with Jonathan, he tried to find Sirius. But he was gone. James, then, threw Jonathan on the ground. "Fuck off or I will tear you apart!" he didn't scream, but still his voice was harsh and he was serious. Jonathan went quickly away and James saw how Lily was sitting, completely shocked by his voice. He shook his head. Lily had to wait. His best friend was away. His best friend was down. Over.

"Anyone saw Sirius?" James asked quietly but still with a confident voice.

"That crying poof?" someone asked with a scoff, next to him Marlene. James walked slowly to him and punched him hard in the face.

"Don't you EVER dare to talk about my best friend like that!" he growled and walked away.

Peter, however, sat next to Remus. Hugging him tight. Trying to make things better. He couldn't think of anything else to do, to say.

"I.. It.." Remus let out just these two words. He couldn't think. Couldn't react. He just sat there, on the floor. He cried like never before. He broke his boyfriends heart. He broke him. He let him down. He felt guilty and he hated himself. More then ever.  
And everyone knew. It was over.

After a few days later, at some time in the night, Sirius heard a voice coming from Remus' bed. Sirius didn't slept anymore nor did he ate. So was Remus. Remus was just in the library, studying madly. Sirius was just in his bed. He didn't came out. He was laying for days. It was far too much for him.

"S-Sirius.. are you awake?" asked Remus standing in front of the curtains. Sirius, who never, ever closed the curtains before, closed them since that day.

No sound.

"C-can I come in?" Remus voice was shaking.

Still nothing.

"F-fine.. I.." he took a deep shaking breath. "I'm going to count from one to ten.. and if you say something.. I.." he stopped.

"One.. two.. three.." Remus stopped again, still nothing. "..f-four.. five.. s-six.." he took again a deep breath. "..seven." he stopped. Seven was Sirius favorite number, however. Remus cried quietly. "..eight.. nine.." he waited for a long time. "..ten.." Remus walked back to his bed and Sirius cried, just like Remus quietly James and Peter were both awake. They felt helpless. They wanted to do something, help, take away the pain, a bit at least. But both of them couldn't do anything.

Remus counted for weeks. Every night. He stood up and counted, but Sirius just didn't say anything. He couldn't. He felt bad, for letting Remus wait there for weeks, every night.

Remus was standing again in front of the curtains. Counting. Waiting. Dying.

"..f-four.. five.. s-six." he sniffed. "..seven."

"Come in."

Remus' eyes winded and he slowly opened the curtains. Sirius was not facing him but there was space. Remus laid himself down after closing the curtains. They laid there for hours. Not moving, not talking. Just breathing and probably thinking and probably crying.

A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. I tried my best but.. yeah. The idea came up to my mind when I couldn't sleep and I wrote it when I was awake, a few days later at 2 am when I was feeling down. Anyway! I think I might write another chapter about how they got together and I might continue with this. I'm not so sure because I'm too afraid of screwing things up. Well.. anyway.. I would like to read your thoughts of this Fan Fiction. Nothing in that belongs to me besides the idea for it and Jonathan. All goes to the wonderful author J. K. Rowling. By the Way, this is my very first Fan Fiction! Enjoy!


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